A new learning in life.

Yeahh, Christmas is around the corner !

I am just too happy with this occasion

as I can received presents from people around me ! xDD

Do you guys happy about it ?

Hmmm, Enjoy this romantic occasion with your loves one k ?

You'll definitely stay in happiness :)

Believe me.

Dear Lord of father,

Thank you for stay with us all the time.

I am going to prepare some presents 

for those loves one.

Thank you for always stay beside me

no matter what happened :)

Thank you for always lending me a shoulder

in any kind of situation :)

Thank you for always scold me back

when I am stay in the sorrow for too long :)

Thank you, buddies !!

These 3 weeks attach to ward 3B.

It's a gynaecology ward.

So, all of the patients is female.

In the beginning, I though it's just like normal cases

like mastectomy, breast cancer or cystectomy.

But it's definitely not only like that !

Everyday have different cases to let me learn and learn.

Everyday have to face miscarriage, abortion or THBSO.

I am so sad when I have to insert medicine 

through private area and let the dead fetus come out !

The feeling is terrible and horrible !

I cant imagine the feeling of the parents,

I cant imagine how sad they're !

I cant imagine if I am the mother,

how could I react ?

I'll be very calm or aggitated?

I dun know, I really dun know.

Anyway, this is not the worst or terrible in the ward !

It's really horrible when I bring my patient 

and family to mortuary for prayer !

At first, I only though I bring my patient to lab service.

After that, staff from mortuary will come 

and pick my patient down to mortuary.

But end up, It's not at all !

I have to bring my patient to mortuary by my own.

I start to think how it's going to be,

I am really wondering along all the way

and of course inside the lift.

When we reach mortuary there,

I have to push my patient along the corridor.

The feeling of horibble would not disappear. 

I just ask myself to be strong and calm.

I just ask myself to hold on.

Once we went in to the mortuary,

my patient is crying non-stop.

And of course, she is aggitated.

I am standing beside there,

think what should I do for the next step.

Pastor was asked the father to open the baby.

That's a baby girl. She is being wrapped nicely.

Mother is crying more aggitated after saw the baby !

I feel I want cry at that moment,

but I can't cry as I know.

Hold on and hold on, I am still be calm.

Pastor was starting to pray.

Parents was crying along the whole process.

I din cry, I just very calm and view the whole progress.

I send my patient back to the ward after that.

My patient ask me whether I know the feeling or not,

when I was the one lost the child.

How you want me to answer ?

I dun know, I really dun know.

I cant understand, I admit.

But I am upset, really.

When I lying down on my bed at night,

I like cant stop my tears.

My tears drop non-stop at that night.

I cant sleep well, I cant eat well.

I am thinking of the matter the whole day.

I am thinking of the process.

I am so sorry to see this kind of happened.

I can't take it anymore, 

I spill it out to my clinical instructor the next day,

she is so surprise about it 

and of course, she counsell me for a long time.

Thank you for my clinical instructor, Miss Anna.

Thank you for my mum and my sis.

Thank you for my buddies, my friends !

Thank you for encourage me along all the way.

Thank you for console me and 

ask me to cry it out loudly.

I really dun know who I can talk to about this.

I only hope I get some response.

 This is the 1st time I feel so scared in my life.

This is the worst nightmare I had in my life.

How I hope I stay beside my family at that time.

How I hope I have a shoulder at that moment.

But it's all passed !

Now I am better after 2 days.

At least, I can sleep well and eat well :)

I really gain a new experince through this ! xDD

Through this,

I found that mother is the most noble person in this world !

So, please dun make our mum

worried about us again :)

Please respect our mum and make her smile always.

Show your filial to your mum.

Sorry mummy, I am not a good girl in this 21st year !

But, I promise I will become a girl after

I gain so much of experienced and

I going to be 21st after 10 more days !

Thank you for always understanding me 

and give born of me.

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Lastly, thank you my friends and partner !

We're always help each other in our work. 
Heart you all.

Love ya !

Last post in 2012 and before I turn 21st.