Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A new learning in life.

Yeahh, Christmas is around the corner !
I am just too happy with this occasion
as I can received presents from people around me ! xDD
Do you guys happy about it ?
Hmmm, Enjoy this romantic occasion with your loves one k ?
You'll definitely stay in happiness :)
Believe me.
Dear Lord of father,
Thank you for stay with us all the time.
I am going to prepare some presents 
for those loves one.
Thank you for always stay beside me
no matter what happened :)
Thank you for always lending me a shoulder
in any kind of situation :)
Thank you for always scold me back
when I am stay in the sorrow for too long :)
Thank you, buddies !!

These 3 weeks attach to ward 3B.
It's a gynaecology ward.
So, all of the patients is female.
In the beginning, I though it's just like normal cases
like mastectomy, breast cancer or cystectomy.
But it's definitely not only like that !
Everyday have different cases to let me learn and learn.
Everyday have to face miscarriage, abortion or THBSO.
I am so sad when I have to insert medicine 
through private area and let the dead fetus come out !
The feeling is terrible and horrible !
I cant imagine the feeling of the parents,
I cant imagine how sad they're !
I cant imagine if I am the mother,
how could I react ?
I'll be very calm or aggitated?
I dun know, I really dun know.

Anyway, this is not the worst or terrible in the ward !
It's really horrible when I bring my patient 
and family to mortuary for prayer !
At first, I only though I bring my patient to lab service.
After that, staff from mortuary will come 
and pick my patient down to mortuary.
But end up, It's not at all !
I have to bring my patient to mortuary by my own.
I start to think how it's going to be,
I am really wondering along all the way
and of course inside the lift.
When we reach mortuary there,
I have to push my patient along the corridor.
The feeling of horibble would not disappear. 
I just ask myself to be strong and calm.
I just ask myself to hold on.

Once we went in to the mortuary,
my patient is crying non-stop.
And of course, she is aggitated.
I am standing beside there,
think what should I do for the next step.
Pastor was asked the father to open the baby.
That's a baby girl. She is being wrapped nicely.
Mother is crying more aggitated after saw the baby !
I feel I want cry at that moment,
but I can't cry as I know.
Hold on and hold on, I am still be calm.
Pastor was starting to pray.
Parents was crying along the whole process.
I din cry, I just very calm and view the whole progress.
I send my patient back to the ward after that.
My patient ask me whether I know the feeling or not,
when I was the one lost the child.
How you want me to answer ?
I dun know, I really dun know.
I cant understand, I admit.
But I am upset, really.

When I lying down on my bed at night,
I like cant stop my tears.
My tears drop non-stop at that night.
I cant sleep well, I cant eat well.
I am thinking of the matter the whole day.
I am thinking of the process.
I am so sorry to see this kind of happened.
I can't take it anymore, 
I spill it out to my clinical instructor the next day,
she is so surprise about it 
and of course, she counsell me for a long time.

Thank you for my clinical instructor, Miss Anna.
Thank you for my mum and my sis.
Thank you for my buddies, my friends !
Thank you for encourage me along all the way.
Thank you for console me and 
ask me to cry it out loudly.
I really dun know who I can talk to about this.
I only hope I get some response.
 This is the 1st time I feel so scared in my life.
This is the worst nightmare I had in my life.
How I hope I stay beside my family at that time.
How I hope I have a shoulder at that moment.
But it's all passed !
Now I am better after 2 days.
At least, I can sleep well and eat well :)
I really gain a new experince through this ! xDD

Through this,
I found that mother is the most noble person in this world !
So, please dun make our mum
worried about us again :)
Please respect our mum and make her smile always.
Show your filial to your mum.

Sorry mummy, I am not a good girl in this 21st year !

But, I promise I will become a girl after
I gain so much of experienced and
I going to be 21st after 10 more days !

Thank you for always understanding me 
and give born of me.

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Lastly, thank you my friends and partner !
We're always help each other in our work. 
Heart you all.

Love ya !

Last post in 2012 and before I turn 21st.


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